So...I'm really struggling today. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I need some release from this horrible pain...I need to come out again! But I'm afraid that my feelings will change again and it will void all the work it will take to come out. I just don't know what the thing to do is, come out and possibly have to revise again and again, or I could just continue to suffer and hold onto the thought that my feelings will change. what if I am a male? what if that's the reason I feel so angry and hateful towards my own body. But then there are those few days where I feel like dressing in a more "girly" fashion and the only thing I hate is my chest.
Would i be considered trans because I'm unhappy in my own body? Or maybe I'm not because I don't have a problem with my lower female parts? But maybe I am because I prefer male clothes? But then again I like certain girly clothes. I might be trans because I want to cut off my chest, or I'm not because I'm to afraid to do anything about it.
I just wish there was a way for me to experiment openly but without anyone knowing. Why couldn't I have been born as a boy? why can't I just figure out what I am so i can start to recover? Why don't I have anyone close to me that I can discuss these things with.
I feel like I am lost in this maze that is known as me.
lost in my body, mind and soul.
Can someone just give me a map?
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